Week 2: A certain sense of satisfaction in being shattered

'I've got a great ambition to die of exhaustion rather than boredom' - Thomas Carlyle 

The second week of our expedition was one of the more difficult in terms of physical exertion. A combination of the sheer physicality of the activities and my fitness being lower than some within our group, left me, on most evenings well and truly worn out. However I have found the feeling of complete physical exhaustion to be very rewarding. As strange as it may sound (indeed if you had said it to me six months ago I would have laughed in your face) the knowledge that your exhaustion was hard earned brings one a certain tranquil sense of satisfaction that that it is difficult to find elsewhere.

An early night (photo by Moya Macdonald)

This week was certainly not lacking in this feeling. It began with the arrival of the Young Explorers (YEs) on an ominously misty day. As they emerged from the mists like the undead in a low budget horror film it was great to feel the growing sense of purpose buzzing about Base Camp.  They were after all the reason we were all there. It was also refreshing to re-engage with the ecitement of discovering the area for the first time. After a week at BC it was already feeling like home in our little shanty town. The YEs however arrived Fresh-faced and wide-eyed into the surroundings we had come to be somewhat blase about. THis was the first time I came to encounter the enjoyment that one can get simply from the enjoyment of others. As I would learn over the coming weeks this is a key part of expedition leadership. I experienced this phenomenon from the other side during this second week as I will divulge soon.Shortly After the YEs arrived we found out that we (the trainee leaders [TLs]) would be travelling around the ice cap. This would reduce the over crowding at BC whilst the YEs settled in and allow us to hone our ice skills before hopefully returning with the YEs in the near future. 

Home from Home

So the TLs were attached to a crack team of leaders and sent of on our merry way to have adventures atop the ice. We had our grizzled and indomitable Chief leader (they say that whilst we merely adopted the ice he was born of it, Molded from it), Our man of the mountains 'Gandalf', Our ice cap GP Dr 'Doc' and last but by no means least the poor soul who had to take responsibility for our sorry team of reprobates, the TL mentor 'H'. And I learned different things about leadership from each of them. I saw the Chief Leader turn from serious and thoughtful to excited and adventurous as situations required and it was great to see how important it is to be able to vary ones approach to leadership. I also realised that even in the lofty heights of chief leadership one must never forget the thrill of exploration and adventure as see through the eyes of your charges. Next our mountain man 'Gandalf' To compare him to an encyclopedia is to give significant and unjustified credit to the encyclopedia and the quantity of knowledge there in. It was fascinating to work with a man with such an extensive and all encompassing knowledge of the outdoors. From technical skills to meteorolgy, botany folklore and everything inbetween, a day on the hill with our 'Gandalf' should be on everyones bucket list. Dr 'Doc' was a walking talking lesson in the importance of maintaining morale. Coming from a military background I'm sure Doc has had to keep chins up in significantly more difficult situations than ours. However Be it some lunacy at the end of a long day, a song to keep heavy feet trudging or just a well timed and seemingly heartfelt compliment or comment on your effort in X Y or Z task I realised how easily you as a superior can bolster the moods of others. Finally from 'H' our poor embattled mentor, I learned not to work with us, as a group we were self important to the point of insolence and over excited bordering on hysterical for such a significant period of time that I fear if we had spent 24 more hours  longer on the ice cap 'H' may have run off into the wilds of Norway and lived in a commune with mooses (is it meese?).

Dr Doc was keen to tell anyone who would listen about his massive..... fish

Over the course of the five days on the Ice we traveled from nunatak* to nunatak  bivving out under the midnight sun. WE were gifted with wall to wall blue skies and blissful warmth for 4.5 of the 5 days. I must say that the time we spent up there was one of the most truly fascinating times of my life. Seeing and engaging with a completely alien landscape for me as well as learning so much about leadership. As previously stated I spent plenty of time pooped out by the physical (and mental exhaustion) from climbing, walking dragging sledges, picking up fallen sledges, cursing at sledges, giving up on sledges, and generally having a good time. We scrambled up rocky pinnacles, tramped over rolling Icy 'hills' and even fell in the odd crevasse (it certainly keeps you on your toes) before finally having to confront the sad reality of coming down. As ever I had my Gnome and my Dwarf to pick me up mentally when I was getting low, and In this time in particular their company was invaluable to me. As partners in lunacy, anchors for my sanity and generally great bivvi pals I couldn't have wished for a better pair (if only the Home Bird had been able to come to the 4 amigos would have been complete).

Me, Dwarf and Gnome Bivving at Loppy-toppy (Loppatinden)

 (photograph by Nathan Magnall)

The final day dawned foggy as we packed up our gear and prepared for the hopefully speedy trek down. It became very quickly apparent however that we were going to pay the price for 5 days of unseasonal warmth and sun. The snow that previously covered the glacier and made the crevasse fields navigable had ablated. Leaving our Chief leader with the unenviable task of leading 16 people off the ice amongst large crevasses in a fog that only gave brief glimpses of the people on the front of your rope team let alone anything else. it was a slow paced, but hugely exhilarating as we nervously threaded our way along sometimes 1 person wide ridges between plunging crevasses either side. I was treated  to one of the most terrifying moments of my life when a certain TL, with a penchant for DOD-gy beanie hats, who was on the rope team behind mine, came hurtling past me down the slope. Given that I was in no way connected to him and their was nothing I could do naught but watch and hope I looked on in fear as he slid to what I assumed was his inevitable icy demise It was all I could hope that someone stopped him before the other three on his rope followed. Gratefully he found his way into a blissfully shallow divet in the ice some 6 meters down slope of me and came to a rest in there before springing up and carrying on as though it were nothing. 

Eventually, slowly we made it down and despite tired legs and my clumsy nature leading to some frustration on my behalf we continued our way to mountain camp. Here where we were briefly briefed on the fact that the glacier was no longer safe to travel on. Only for the fact we had to travel down that day no body would have been on the ice in the condition it was in. Which lead to the horrible situation of bumping into/ greeting YEs with wide eyes heading up to mountain camp with minds set on getting up the ice and having to nod and smile along not wanting to let on anything before a full brief as given my the Chief leader that evening (a task which some in our group seemed to struggle with, a little to eager to be in possesion of 'classified' information and not really considering its effects on 'hearts & minds'). We stood spread amongst the leader team facing the YEs at that briefing which did come, and it was the single worst bit of the trip watching their faces as they were given the bad news. I felt truly guilty for the fantastic time I had shared with the TLs on the ice. Many people retired early and tears were shed by the disappointed young people. A real low point for me.

 A joy I was very disappointed not to share with the YEs

* Nunataks are the peaks that emerge from the ice.

BatCat the notorious First Aid moggy

"When written in Chinese the word "crisis" is composed of two characters. One represents danger and the other represents opportunity." -John F Kennedy

If the content of this quote from infamous linguaphile JFK (of German doughnut fame) is to be believed then the Chinese people seem to have quite adequately summed up the exploration mindset. Last week I had the 'opportunity' to learn how to assess, manage and minimize the 'dangers' to life and limb which can come about in a 'crisis' situation.

As part of the British exploring Trainee Leader problem we were put through a 16hr expedition first aid course with Expedition Care Program. The course was comprised of practical training  test scenarios and a certain amount of the obligatory death by powerpoint needed to get such a volume of information across in the short space of time. 

bandaging leg wound

Expedition Care Program have a huge amount of experience in expedition first aid and so the course was brilliantly tailored to meet the needs of a first aider in a remote location. A variety of adaptive techniques were delivered with great focus on how to deliver vital life saving care in the a situation where conditions and supplies could be less than idea. Gaffa tape came in to play. A lot.

A fetching head wound dressing to be combined with a nasopharyngeal tube to maintain an airway

In terms of my journey to expedition leadership the course has provided invaluable insight into the world of expedition first aid and medicine. Not only has the developed my personal skill set to allow me to cope in emergency situations (not to mention legally use any outdoor certifications I gain in the next three years), but also it has opened my eyes to a potential new line of interest for me in the world of expeditions.

First aid has always interested me, Since early days of being a practice student for my wonderful Mum when she worked as a first aid trainer and member of the festival medical services. Through Youth first aid qualifications at school and into work were I inevitably end up getting involved in any incidents which occur. I must admit I enjoy dealing with the situations. So perhaps a career in expedition or outdoors first aid/medicine could be calling. I have long planned to join the local MRT when I finally get settled in a home and job somewhere in the highlands so perhaps continuing down this line could prove interesting in my future.

And so I sit here planning potentiall exciting courses and far flung situations were i can break out the torniquets haemostatic dressings and gaffa tape to save someones life! 

And then to the title... a little strange as it may be we had some seemingly expert assistance from a certain feline resident of the scout camp we were staying on. This four pawed first aider let eagerly into the middle of a practice first aid situation to sit on the face and chest of the casualty clearly indicating to the other trainees exactly which order they should be administering CPR in.

The infamous first aid assistant (it has a batman symbol on its back)

Worringly I sometimes find myself hoping for a situation to arise to put my skills to the test. (not hoping so hard as to cross the line into sociopathic you understand).....

On which frightening note  I will leave you whilst I continue to write up the ongoing adventures I had in the last week learning and developing as an explorer and (hopefully) a leader. 

Don't pee in the sea

'The joy of leading is not born of pushing one's own limits but seeing

the sense of achievements in the eyes of others when they believe they are pushing theirs'

-Me , yesterday

My climbing pal, a seasoned climber and qualified instructor

leading Amen Corner D*

Yesterday I spent a vaguely windy and wave splashed day on Grey Mare  slabs north of Cruden bay Aberdeenshire. The rock was grippy the angle was shallow and in general the climbing was nontechnical  However for me having not climbed outside in ten or more years and certainly never on a trad route with gear to consider, the experience was great.

Whilst pondering on my lonely wave battered belay I realised that the art of leadership is not in strapping on a pack and leading a group of novices up the multi-pitch E5 6b,precarious mountain ridge, double diamond black route or continuous grade 4 river run. It is a case of facilitating others in experiencing and enjoying the outdoors to whatever degree of their ability's limits that they wish to. Certainly one should never be leading outside one's own ability that is, as my training with BE has taught me, a source of many Lemons.

My pondering place

The climbing yesterday, A couple of D* routes from the guidebook and one S route which we have yet to find a listing for, may not even have been within my technical limits but it certainly taught me a lot. Practicing  abseiling and rope work, confirming thing I already thought I knew with a qualified instructor, setting up belays and rope systems, and getting ready to start leading trad soon. All valuable lessons for me as a leader and as a climber

The final and most valuable lesson I learned is that Peeing into the see from you little belay slab seems to anger the sea god and so he minces you with a huge wave that has not crashed in before and will not crash in again for the rest of the day. A genuine one off, don't pee in me or else threat. Lesson learned Poseidon, my bad.

As an aside Whilst searching for a crag map that I could upload to mark my routes on to show you here I found this Bomber little climber putting me to shame ! 

It just goes to show you don't need to leave Dave Macleod quaking in his boots to have a great day on the rock.

On a rope on a rope...

'it is only in adventure that some people succeed in knowing themselves- in finding themselves'

- Andre Gide

My adventure, despite its infancy at this point in the Journey, has already lead me along way down the road to knowing myself. This weekend was no exception.

Arriving home Sunday night around 19:30, exhausted and armed with a vague air of damp and a faint waft of unshowered body, I plonked myself on the edge of the bed and removed my left shoe. Upon completion of this task, I proceeded to fall into a deep, contended and certainly very welcome sleep. Awakening only once before 8 o'clock this morning for just long enough to struggle out of the right boot.

The weekend was damp and grey and tiring and busy and..... One of the most rewarding experiences in the last six months of my life. 

Meeting with the Leader Team for our expedition and getting to grips with rope techniques left me with a lot to think about in the run up to the expedition. The weekend has really brought home to me the reality of the situation and I can feel a palpable sense of excitement beginning to smolder  and as time goes on and more preparation and plans are put in place that excited ember can only grow into an ever greater flame.

Friday was taken up mostly by travelling down, and short of  a couple of sketchy moments due to an apparent lack of road signs, and one successful attempt to ford a river in a Mondeo the journey was quiet and uneventful. Arriving just in time for dinner I took a place among my fellow trainee leaders one of many long benches laid out in the Barn like kitchen at the Great Tower Scout Camp. I eagerly tucked into  my plate of chilli con carne and for a time little other than brief greetings were shared as many of us hungry from our travels merrily filled our bellies with warm hearty fare. Soon enough the meal was finished plates were cleared and we had time to catch up with each other about our exploits since our first meeting. Similar such discussions were being had in numerous other groups and the barn was a hive of hustle and bustle.

most of the Finnmark 2013 team

Soon after we divided into our relevant expeditions and retired to our training rooms to be introduced to one another. The evening that transpired was, for me at least, a fascinating experience, as we took a whistle stop tour of the Careers and experience of each of the members of our leader team. Frankly I would have given an arm and a leg to have one of just about any of the careers they described. Lives of excitement and adventure coupled with educating and inspiring young people were described in a myriad different combinations, all of which I found particularly inspired me to get back to University and get qualified to go out there and do all this.

Soon enough it was bed time and we retired to our campsite (or as it shall more appropriately be referred to hereafter 'The Rockery') in order to to pitch our tents in the best and most persistent rain Windermere had to offer. Needless to said ubiquitous drizzle eliminated the chances of Bivvying out for the night. Instead I chose to throw all my gear into the Bivvy bag to keep it dry and Dive into a larger tent with a friend.

Awaking early on Saturday we were met by the sick-makingly fresh face of Dr nick ( Hi everybody... )  one of our expedition doctors (a serving paratrooper and fitness fanatic) eager to lead us all in a merry yomp around the scout camp with regular stops for plenty of military-esque jumping and shouting. Then quick spot of breakfast heated up on a camp stove and it was time to spring board into the day.

The day was spent practicing, re-practicing and then continuing to practice the techniques for crevasse rescue and glacier travel. Ascending ropes on Prussilk slings and then descending by Lowering off  or abseiling took up 90% of the day.

 One of the TL's  'Dumaring' up a rope on prussiks

Two basic prussik knots on a rope

The remaining 10% was taken up by an introduction to the plans for scientific study on the expedition followed by a heavily Antipodean themed pub quiz... maybe the Australian Science Leader had something to do with it ?

The explanation of the science was more than enough to wet my appetite despite the fact that it was heavily centered on geology rather than biology. And I was given the opportunity to put forward the numerous Ideas I had for zoological Research ( My personal area of study) Aided with support from the afore mentioned Australian science leader I was able to make a strong enough case to the chief scientist that I have I am being allowed to plan and run a schedule of Zoological study for the whole expedition. To date this is the single most exciting prospect I have encountered. In appreciation of this I have appointed myself the title of chief expedition zoologist (an entirely unearned moniker mostly there to massage my ego).

The infamous Aussie-phile Biologist

Basking in the glow of my prestigious position and warmed by wine a night on 'The Rockery' Flew by and it was soon time to go back out on a run minus the fitness mad Dr Nick. That morning however my shin splints were back with a vengeance and I barely manage to struggle through a short section of the run. This was annoying to say the least as it says nothing for my ongoing training to get fit for the  expedition. A situation not helped by a pinch of patronizing tone for the fat guy who 'can't' run.

Embarrassment aside it was time for a little more 'Dumaring' and rope work to round off a thrilling weekend.

Me (in blue) about to lower down a crag.

One last lunch all together and the weekend was sadly over. Far too quickly if you ask me. A quick summary and a few goodbyes and it was time to pack up the tents and head home back to civvy street to prepare materials for my zoology study program.

As for the drive home I don't believe there were any river crossings but I couldn't comment on much other than a dusting of snow on the Lakeland hills as we left:

Because soon after this picture was taken, My weekend caught up with me:

preparation. ready. aand......

'Before anything preparation is the key to success' 

- Alexander Graham Bell

With that in mind I am rushing around at the last minute packing for the training weekend. I'm making up for this last minute rush by bringing plenty of spare gear for my fellow Trainee Leaders. pictured below is my personal gear: bottom left pile. The rest of the picture contains  an additional 3 tents and 2 sleep mats.

My weekend in Windermere (incidentally the title of my first hill-walking romance novel) will be accompanied by the best of the lakeland weather. Three days of rain.

Will orate for cash

'Great is our admiration of the orator who speaks with fluency and discretion'

-Cicero

I'm not sure that my fluency is up to the standards of a Classical Roman Orator and I know for a fact that I'm have far to much of a loud mouth to be considered discrete. And so with a little trepidation I have started offering my services as a 'speaker'. My family will happily reassure you that for me speaking will provide no challenge at all. Shutting up on the other hand....

As part of my Fundraising for the Expedition I have taken to letter writing, sending out a description of myself, the society and our expedition along with a request for donations to any local charitable groups, Round tables, Rotary clubs, Organisations and people on the street as I can find addresses for. In Return for any potential donations I am offering myself as a provider of post consumptorary oration and light entertainment, i.e. an after dinner speech and maybe a juggling act or magic show.

Batch no.1 hot off the press and ready for shipping out.

I am also organising  to provide talks to a few schools and Youth Groups about the Expeditions British exploring offer and benefits, costs and funding options, in order to further the cause of the society and hopefully recruit a new generation of keen young explorers to take off on adventures around the world.

So with these in mind I have to start planning speeches, rehearsing charming and hilarious anecdotes and preparing for potential hecklers. Luckily for the school talks I can rely on the thrilling prospect of adventure and a certain degree of authority based largely on the size differential between me and the children I am talking to, to keep my audience silent and attentive.  Talking to large groups of adults who are not legally obliged to remain in the building with me until at least the home time bell, is  another kettle of fish.

Pitching to crowds which could potentially be so varied really is leaving me with a knotted feeling in the pit of my stomach. As already mentioned most people who have met me will attest to the fact that I will win gold the day verbal diarrhea makes it into the Olympics  Despite this, and the fact that I seem to receive relatively good reactions to a greater proportion of the sentences which spew fourth; I have, to date, employed a conversational technique inspired by the US military, i.e. put enough conversational rounds in the air and eventually some will land where you want.

After dinner speaking is going to call for some sharpshooting rather than Full auto spraying and for this I will have to resort to practice. Well planned speeches, rehearsal in front of the mirror and a pocket full of flash cards just in case will all be called into action. But developing these skills can only serve to benefit me in later life, and so begins the first of many Areas of personal development which this trainee leader scheme is going to assist me with.

You never know, by the end of the process I may be able make a blog post that takes less that half an hour to read. I might even start reining in sentences under 100 words . And one day, if I work hard I may be able to accurately express myself in 140 characters or less ( I mean come on twitter can't I go a little over Even my dissertation allows 10% either way on the word count. My messages to Stephen Fry are so groundbreaking they need to go over that limit I'm sorry).

But as Shakespeare said through the lips of Polonius (or the actor playing him):

 'Brevity is the Sole of wit'

First steps

So here I go setting off on the journey of a life time. And I don't just mean 6 weeks In Norway. I mean Me, Grabbing My life in both hands and taking it in the direction I want. No more sitting back and letting it wash over me.

 'A genuine Leader is not a searcher for consensus but a molder of consensus'

-Martin Luther King Jnr

I hope through British Exploring's 2013 Trainee Leader Programme to foster and develop within Myself the skills required to become a 'molder of consensus'.

The road ahead stretches before me and I still have many miles to cover before even leaving UK soil. However I hope to return from 6 weeks in a tent refreshed (even If I don't smell as such) and determined to redouble my efforts to achieve all my goals. Armed with a host of experiences and arsenal of skills to bring to all the aspects of my life.

My two great passions In life are the study of science and  experiencing the great wide world we live in; Climbing/walking/cycling up things, sliding/running/rolling/jumping off said things and just being in and around the wonders of nature that are all around. The concept of combining these two things into a fruitful career has always lingered in the back of my mind as a great Idea.

'My Heart is in the Highlands' -Burns

However since starting A new Job At an Outdoor sports Retailer in 2011 and Meeting a host of Amazing and Inspiring People It has become more and More apparent that with the right combination of qualifications and sufficient experience that great idea is not an untenable dream.

So with Trepidation I set out on my journey and was very pleased to be excepted on to the British Exploring societies Trainee leader scheme, A set of 4 weekends of training followed by 6 weeks expedition In Norway and a final set of assessments designed to develop within me the skills experiences and attitudes required to Lead a new generation of adventurers into the wilderness and foster within them the same love of wild places and thrilling activities that I am so grateful to have been introduced to.

On the 15th of Feb I set out on the unnecessarily epic (due to public transport difficulties) journey to an ominous looking scout camp (Lots of barbed wire, Silos and Military checkpoint style gates) to attend the first training weekend.

A great weekend of introductions, to each other, the staff and the expedition, despite a certain degree of death-by-powerpoint. As a whole they weekend was brilliantly informative and the concepts of Leadership we were introduced to really hit home for me. I could Identify strongly with the ideas and theories and see how each thing related to the good and bad 'leaders' I have come across in my lifetime as well as being able to spot within myself my position on the spectrum of leadership and how to learn, improve and develop what I already have to be the most effective Leader I can be.

I have been very fortunate In my life to meet, travel with and be lead by a variety of inspirational people who have really molded me into the person I am today, I do not need to name them, I hope most of them Know who they are and How important they are to me but I would like to thank them for all that they have done for me.

" I a younger mountaineer,

With thoughts of adventure,

Betroubled by failure and danger,

My greatest wish is not to discourage,

For what I know of his breed-

There is little risk"

-W H Murray

As part of this thanks I wish to repay the debt I feel that I owe to them. And in order to that I intend to work long and hard to be able one day to provide that inspirational leadership to someone else, who will hopefully in time look back and reflect positively on the role I played in their  personal development.

Next step.... Fundraising to pay for this mammoth adventure that lays before me.......